LGBTQ / News / Sex

Mexican Leader’s Comment About Gay Sex Reveals Her Own Amazing Sex Life

Leader of the PAN party (a conservative religious party) in Puebla, Ana Maria Jimenez Ortiz, made the off-color remark last week that “marriage should only be considered as those relationships in which the members have sex while facing each other.” It is for this reason, in her opinion, that gay people should not get married. I should first point out the fact that the missionary position (and all its variations) exists for the majority of couples, despite its hetero connotations.

seemingly mormons demonstrating various sexual positions

I mean, look at how often they’re facing each other!

However, according to Ortiz and “the scientific method,” only eye contact at the time of insertion creates a true union. Ortiz added that blind people should not be exempt from the marriage ban, and assuming her reasoning, we shall allow blindfolds, having sex with the lights off, and hetero couples having sex in any other position where they aren’t looking directly into each others’ eyes to be stricken from marriageable sex.

Immediately after the forum, reporters and journalists rushed to Ortiz, eager to ask her about her claims on the elusive True Union. It was later revealed that Ortiz is among a small minority of individuals who have sex in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation, and who must look their partner in the eyes at all times. Such practices result in mindblowingly incredible sex that the few who have experienced it named it the True Union.

ortiz

How could you look away?

The True Union was a groundbreaking theory proposed in 1997, and has been researched for years by what most people would consider sexually repressed couples. But there has been a lack of comprehensive data on it until Ortiz’s statements last week. New research seems to confirm Ortiz’s statement that this is the only way a True Union can be achieved. Breaking eye contact, even once during coitus, invalidates the True Union’s potential in the case of one’s current partner, and any other partner thereafter. These constraints indicate that most people have not experienced, and will never experience, what Ortiz and others call the True Union.

Scientists go on to say that certain species like the common garden snail, and other organisms that mate while facing each other, may have experienced the True Union, in addition to humans. “It may be the key to why their species is so resilient,” said Max Pecante, a top neurobiologist, who heads one of the largest teams of True Union researchers along the American Bible Belt. The discovery of the True Union means that we could unlock limitless energy, though we have yet to explore its practical applications. “To me, it’s clear that we’re dealing with something much larger than we thought,” Pecante continued. “Cosmopolitan Magazine has nothing on this.”

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One thought on “Mexican Leader’s Comment About Gay Sex Reveals Her Own Amazing Sex Life

  1. “…could unlock limitless energy”

    Is there a possibility here True Union can lower our electric bills?
    I guess that’s what you call electrifying sex?
    What about neighborhoods without young people? I don’t think there’s any sex happening on my block. :-(

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