Mr. Henry Blodget, CEO
257 Park Avenue South, 13th Floor
New York, NY 10010
Dear Mr. Blodget:
I am incredibly excited to be applying for Business Insider’s newly vacant CTO position. When I caught wind of this week’s controversy over Tech Bro Extraordinaire, Pax Dickinson (is his name really Pax?) and his racist, sexist, homophobic, and overall douchey tweets, I must admit I felt ambivalent. Part of me was thrilled that yet another bigot outed himself in front of millions and actually faced consequences over his unprofessional behavior. The best part is you actually fired him! Good on you for making sure Business Insider continues to report on sexism, racism, and homophobia, and for holding your staff accountable for being assholes. On the other hand, part of me was wary about a company that would actually end up hiring a man like Pax, even after years of him publicly posting questionable tweets such as this one:
Who has more dedication, ambition, and drive? Kobe only raped one girl, Lebron raped an entire city. +1 for Lebron.
— Pax Dickinson (@paxdickinson) July 13, 2010
Or this one:
In The Passion Of The Christ 2, Jesus gets raped by a pack of niggers. It’s his own fault for dressing like a whore though.
— Pax Dickinson (@paxdickinson) July 14, 2010
As I’m sure you’re aware, the CTO’s role is to assure successful execution of Business Insider’s mission, through development and deployment of your web presence. This is a memo Dickinson seems to have missed. Why did it take Anil Dash to call out your company, three years later, for having hired Dickinson in the first place? What were you thinking when he tweeted this picture of himself?
You must have known Dickinson for a long time, and his lack of restraint doesn’t really suggest that he’d be on his best behavior while at work. I’m sorry you had to deal with that, and I’m sorry that it reflects poorly on your company.
Regardless, I have followed Business Insider for a long time, and I believe in its mission in being a provocative and progressive publication. I’m willing to silence the creeping suspicions that you gave your bro friends high-salaried jobs and turned a blind eye toward Dickinson’s bigoted behavior until it affected the company directly and there was no way out. I would love the opportunity to work as your company’s new CTO, and while I may be a little shaky in my work history for this position (I’ve interned at a total of three non-profits, as well as an entire university!), I’m a fast learner, an aspiring cohort member, and I take criticism well.
My most outstanding strengths are in social media and content marketing. I can boast strong writing skills with experience in reviewing games, creating an online presence, and garnering a history of provocative blog posts. As far as my relevant capabilities go, here are some of them:
- Experience with maintaining my own personal brand as well as my company’s, so I can make sure your employees don’t ever go off message
- Photo editing and graphic design (well versed in Adobe Brotoshop)
- A thorough background in blogging and social media (so I can make sure people hate me for the right reasons)
- Internet savvy, interest in web culture, experience with writing pithy updates, and a better-than-average ability at not routinely embarrassing myself
- Good communication skills, and especially good at making small penis jokes
This is such an exciting and unique opportunity, and if you’re interested in having me, I will send along my resume and references. I hope you will find me to be a great addition to your team!